Separation

Publish Date 03 September 2004

Separation is often one of those times in life which people find extremely difficult and stressful. Psychologists will say that you may be experiencing grief.

Grief is feeling the loss of some important part of your life and it may help if you understand this a little more.

Stages of separation

When and if you separate, you may experience some of these different stages of grieving:

• disbelief and denial that it is really happening
• anger and blaming your former partner or another person
• anxiety, sadness and depression
• moving on - acceptance and adjustment to your new life

You should try to understand that you and your former partner may move through the various stages of separation at a different pace, feeling different things at different times. For example, one of you may be at a point of starting to accept the separation while the other is still feeling extremely angry. This can make it very difficult to negotiate and agree on important things such as responsibility for children and financial support. It is essential for you to get expert family law advice as soon as possible rather than trying to work it out yourselves, without help, as this often creates even more stress and a complete breakdown in communication.

There are many services available to assist you in coping with separation and we can give you a specific referral to the one which would best suit if required. Alternatively, refer to our Links page.

Immediate Issues to Consider

Some of the things you need to consider are:

• Who will take care of your children and where they will live
• who will stay in the house
• what, how and when you will tell the children and others about the decision to separate
• how you and your partner will support yourselves and your children
• who will pay outstanding bills or loans
• who pay the rent or mortgage
• what will happen to the joint bank account and credit cards
• what will happen to the house, car, furniture and other property

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